Fertility Frenzy is New Global Comedy of Errors
Throughout the year 2025, the theme of “falling population” was the media’s darling. The ones who sit on seats of power coaxed and even coerced citizens of their country to become procreating machines.
A similar stance was unimaginable in the days of yore. For long, Malthus had everyone under the spell of his theory. He had predicted that humans were going to multiply like rabbits and were eventually going to run out of food and space. Probably, he had no idea about the advent of naari shakti.
A few decades ago, it was said in jest that procreation is the main recreation of Indians. If a government doctor in India didn’t facilitate a good number of sterilisation operations, his or her career could be aborted. Nirodh and Saheli, the official contraceptives, were seen as the last hope for the nation.
Surveys have deduced that modern women, especially in regions with high divorce rates, are afraid to have kids because they would end up bringing up a child almost single-handedly. They are aware that men’s brains haven’t evolved much beyond those of the caveman, leaving many more inclined towards fathering than actual child-rearing.
In India, the responsibility for the children entails caring for them lifelong and for the grandchildren too. Once a desi grandmother was asked about the reason for her depression. She replied: My husband and I have been able to create assets just for the next sixth generations, but have fallen short by one!
Political and religious leaders dread the loss of population because people who lean towards a particular ideology are their currency. The robot population is likely to increase. But they are unlikely to get voting rights. Such leaders and officials should “walk the talk”. Let them raise big families and get a taste of their own medicine.
In many Indian states, the fertility rate has gone far below the replacement level of two, and some politicians have found a new “bone of contention”: loss of influence vis-à-vis more populous states. Soon, many Indian children would give a blank look on hearing the words chacha, mausi and bua. Not so long ago, the mother-in-law eagerly awaited the news of her daughter-in-law getting pregnant within a few months after marriage. The same role is going to be taken up by the state in the future. In fact, the day is not far away when the authorities will come out with slogans like “hum do hamaare paanch” or “paanch ya chhey bache, hotey hain ghar mein acchey”.
In Japan, the authorities are playing cupid by creating dating apps and giving subsidies to local governments to organise matchmaking events. The Chinese are offering hard cash in exchange for “fruitful passion”. In our country, cash incentives are likely to activate scamsters who would try to pass off others’ kids as their own.
However, in many countries in Africa and in the Middle East, “making babies” is still in fashion. Outmigration from these countries could fill in the empty habitations in other countries. However, the European countries and even Japan want “like to be filled only by like”.
What would be the country-wise world population fifty years from now? With so many variables, it is nearly impossible to predict by astrologers as well as scientists!
(Jas Kohli is a cosmetic surgeon, a humour writer and poet)
