It starts with a ping. A blurry picture of Lord Ganesha in neon colours, overlaid with “Share this to 10 people for blessings”. Then comes a voice note: “Breaking news! NASA confirms chanting Om increases oxygen levels by 500%”! By evening, your phone is buzzing with a video of a lizard being fried in a ceiling fan, captioned: “5G tower experiment. Stay safe. Don’t leave home”.
Now, imagine a world where WhatsApp forwards aren’t just messages from uncles in family groups, but the ultimate foundation of global governance, science, law and history. A parallel universe where WhatsApp forwards are not simply digital irritants, but binding constitutions. Enter the WhatsApp country, where the likes of neighbourhood Uncle Sharma from the housing society group are the new global authority. In the WhatsApp country, forwards is the only buzzword.
Parliament of the Forwards
Governments in this universe are elected not by ballots but by bandwidth. Whoever manages to circulate the most viral WhatsApp forward becomes the prime minister. Campaign promises are replaced with dramatic claims: “Forward this and petrol prices will drop by midnight”! Cabinet portfolios are handed out based on expertise in spamming. The health minister is your neighbour’s aunt who insists turmeric milk can cure cancer. The defence minister is the guy who forwards “Pakistan will collapse in 24 hours” every morning at 5 am.
Parliamentary debates? No need. All legislation is passed via chain messages. If a bill doesn’t get 100,000 forwards in 24 hours, it automatically lapses. The national budget is presented in the form of a grainy PDF, with Comic Sans headers and suspicious watermarks.
Science on WhatsApp University
Textbooks are cancelled. Children now study only from WhatsApp forwards. The new syllabus includes gems such as:
- The internet was discovered in the Vedas.
- Solar eclipses happen because Rahu is upset.
- Rubbing onions on your smartphone battery charges it.
NASA is relocated to Kanpur after someone forwards a clip claiming “NASA confirms Indians are the smartest race on Earth”. Einstein is quietly removed from history; apparently, E=mc² was plagiarised from an Indian sage in 3000 BC.
Research funding? Forget about laboratories. All it takes is a grainy JPEG with “Harvard scientists agree” written across it in red font. If 1000 people forward it, it’s peer-reviewed.
Justice, Forwarded
In the WhatsApp Republic, courts are irrelevant. Evidence is what circulates fastest. A viral clip with red text “SEE FOR YOURSELF” is enough to convict a person. Appeals are made by sharing, “This man is innocent. Share fast, save his life”. Judges simply check how many groups the plea has reached before announcing their verdict.
Supreme Court judgements arrive at 6:00 a.m., sandwiched between “Good Morning 🌹🌞” GIFs. And yes, bail can be secured by sending a chain message promising that forwarding will bring blessings from Goddess Lakshmi.
Economy in Emojis
The Reserve Bank is dissolved. Currency is replaced with “Good Morning” messages. Ten GIFs equal one rupee. If you want to buy groceries, you simply forward a motivational quote with a smiling child holding the tricolour.
The stock market is even more entertaining. Reliance shares shoot up by 500% because someone circulated: “Secret tip: Reliance to buy NASA!!! Don’t miss out!!!” A single viral voice note can cause recessions. Economists, meanwhile, are unemployed, because WhatsApp uncles already predicted GDP growth in 1995 using an Excel sheet with macros.
International trade operates through national forwards. China exports “miracle weight loss” videos; the US responds with “aliens spotted in Texas” memes.
Schools of Forward Learning
Exams no longer require textbooks or teachers. Students just need to memorise viral forwards. History papers ask: “Which Indian invented WiFi”? Correct answer: Maharishi Vishwamitra. Science questions include: “How to prevent earthquakes?” Accepted answer: plant tulsi in your courtyard and forward the message before 11:59 p.m.
Degrees are awarded not by universities but by activity levels. A “graduate” is someone who forwards 1000 messages. A “PhD” is the family group admin. Nobel Prizes? Handed out every morning to the person who sends the most GIFs before sunrise.
Diplomacy by GIF
World War III is triggered not by nuclear missiles but by memes. A badly cropped picture of one country’s president in clown makeup goes viral, sparking outrage. By evening, the opposing country retaliates with a “leaked” video of the rival’s prime minister dancing badly at a wedding.
The United Nations, now called the United Forwards Organisation (UFO), passes resolutions in “Good Morning” groups. Peace treaties are negotiated through flower GIFs. Wars end when both sides agree to forward the same patriotic song video to 50 contacts.
Health Ministry: Garlic, Ginger, and GIFs
In this world, doctors are irrelevant. Every illness—from dengue to cancer—is curable with a single WhatsApp prescription: hot water, garlic cloves, and yoga poses forwarded at dawn. Hospitals are replaced with prayer groups.
The World Health Organization issues advisories in CAPS LOCK: “🚨 DRINK WARM WATER TO KILL VIRUSES!!!” Pandemics are fought not with vaccines but with chain messages promising immunity if shared before midnight.
Day-to-Day Madness
Life, under WhatsApp law, is a constant flood of misinformation disguised as divine truth. People wake up not to alarm clocks but to “🌹GOOD MORNING” GIFs that eat half their phone storage. Traffic jams are blamed on secret government experiments. ATM queues vanish because everyone’s money is now stored in emojis.
Families no longer argue at the dinner table; they just forward each other contradictory messages. Society collapses into two groups: those who forward blindly, and those who left the family WhatsApp group but are hunted down as traitors.
Epilogue: The Tyranny of the Forward
Satire aside, a WhatsApp-ruled world is not entirely imaginary. The platform already shapes elections, public opinion and even health choices. In villages, rumours spread faster than news. In cities, “a friend of a friend from IIT” is a more trusted source than a medical journal. A democracy where forwarded messages outweigh facts may sound absurd—but sometimes, it feels uncomfortably close.
If WhatsApp forwards truly ruled the world, we wouldn’t just be laughing at badly Photoshopped images or pseudo-science remedies. We’d be living in a dictatorship of the absurd—an empire where the most forwarded message is the new constitution.
(Preeti Das is a research scholar. She writes on social issues)
